Up or Down? The Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
The True Battle of the Sexes Addressed in a Lighthearted Lyric Poem to Toilet Seat Etiquette
You know it's true ... the real battle of the sexes takes place in the loo. Up or down? Hit or miss? Over or under? Let your opinions rip here, and see which voice you want to sing in the Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat!
The Battle Hymn of the Toilet Seat
to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic," aka "Glory Glory Hallelujah"
Here's a little ditty that popped into my head after one particularly disastrous midnight trip to the bathroom. All my friends loved it - more than my husband seemed to, for some strange reason!
Sing (or read, if you prefer) to the tune of "Glory Glory Hallelujah," more properly known as "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE TOILET SEAT
He leaves the seat and lid up
Caring not who might fall in
As his wife did once at midnight
And got stuck up to her chin,
Accidentally hit the flusher
And went for a little spin!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
If you don't the kids may soon drown!
When stuff falls in I have to fish 'round!
The lid goes up and down!
To close both toilet seat and lid:
A very worthy goal!
The toddler likes to flush things,
Dog and cat drink from the bowl,
And when you think about it
It's a most unsightly hole!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
Or you'll wear a porcelain crown -
Then I'd grin instead of just frown!
The lid goes up and down!
He says, "I have to put it up;
Why shouldn't you work too?"
I say, "Let's all close everything
And hide the wat'ry view!"
Same work for all, looks nicer,
And more sanitary, too!
The lid goes up and down!
Honey, Honey, put the lid down!
You'll become a man of great renown!
I'll wear perfume and a French maid gown,
If you'll just learn to put the lid down!
copyright (c) C. Paden, please request permission to reprintAre You Flushing Germs into the Air?
If you flush with the lid open, chances are that surfaces in your bathroom may have been contaminated with the aerosolized spray of toilet water, according to this abstract from Pub Med.
Sound off! Up or Down? YOU Decide! - Close the seat and close the lid too! Same work for everyone!
The battle of the sexes is here! Up or Down? Just the seat or the lid too? What is the rhyme and reason behind your bathroom behavior? Inquiring minds want to know! Keep it clean, please!
Up or Down? Seat only, or seat and lid?
Available on posters, postcards, tote bags, and more fun products!
Never Touch the Seat Again
Ladies! Have You Ever Fallen In?
Gents! Do You Leave the Seat Up?
Explaining the Mystery of Men
How Women Get Away with ... - by comedy team Man Stroke Woman
Okay, it's not exactly toilet seat humor, but it is bathroom related. And very, very funny.
Many thanks for
SquidAngel blessings from
Thanks to tagsforkids for his angelic SquidArt.
Squidoo logo is a trademark of Squidoo LLC. Graphics, Squidart and Squidoodles 2008 by tagsforkids (Steve Thompson).
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